Identity vs. Ego

Identity vs. Ego

Egolessness may not mean loss of identity. Identity can be distinguished from ego. Identity may be defined as who I am and what I aspire to be in absolute sense whereas ego means defining myself in relative terms. It means who I am in comparison to others. It is like a line is smaller or bigger depending upon to which line we are comparing it with. We similarly are superior or inferior when we compare ourselves with different people.

If we define ego and identity in this way it becomes clear that having strong identity doesn't make us more egoistic. It need not boost our ego.

The problem with ego is that we are never satisfied with what we have or what we accomplish. As we grow we come in contact with other people who are ahead of us so we remain inadequate and incomplete. We cannot enjoy our achievements whether they are small or big.

Another problem with ego is we are competing with others. We become envious or jealous if someone else is achieving something because in relative terms if someone else is becoming bigger we become smaller. The habit of competition does not allow us to practice cooperation which is a superior value.

Ego also alienate us from others. We feel lonely. We are not able to relate deeply with others. As a result our relationships remain superficial. We fail to experience higher emotions like love, compassion, empathy and kindness on a sustained basis.

If we focus on our identity we try to accentuate our positive traits and remove or at least minimize negative traits.

The process of development of a strong and healthy identity starts from self-awareness and observation. Through observing ourselves alone and in relation to others we become conscious of our personality traits. If the traits are positive we try to develop them further. In case they are negative we try to remove them. The process may be sudden or immediate or it may be gradual. We may also try to develop new traits if we think they are desirable.

In this process of identity development we are not comparing ourselves with others. There is no feeling of competition. If there is any comparison to be made it is overtime to judge whether we are growing or not. To know whether our identity is getting stronger or not.

We can not only celebrate our achievements whether big or small, we can also feel happy when others achieve something. Their achievements does not diminish us in anyway. We feel more interconnected. We start appreciating the fact that we would be happier if people around us are growing with us. If they remain stagnant our growth will be negatively affected because we are interconnected. So we should motivate and inspire people around us. Their growth is complementary to our growth rather than detrimental.

We can easily experience higher emotions like love, kindness, compassion and empathy.

Identity development may not require dropping of desires although the nature and content of desires may change significantly. This change occurs because we start defining ourselves in absolute terms rather than in relative sense.

Identity development may also be compatible with the concept of surrender. We ‘surrender’ when we trust a higher force which is caring for us and guiding us at each and every point. We invoke the divine support to develop our identity and fulfil our true desires which are compatible with our identity.

Defined in such way dropping ego may not mean loss of identity. It might mean having a stronger identity.

Anand Wardhan