In the marvelous book ‘The
Magic Power of Self Image Psychology’ the author Dr. Maxwell Maltz elucidates
how self-image plays a significant role in determining success or failure in
life. He reiterates that the self-image can be modified or reformed to bring
about enduring happiness and achieving greater success in life. It is an
inspiring, enlightening and interesting reading.
Some excerpts…
How
to Live Joyfully
How, then, does one live the
happy life? How does one find joy living in this busy, complicated world of
ours? What is the secret?
It is really so simple. To
really "live," to find life enjoyable, you must have a realistic,
adequate self-image, one that you can live with. You must like and trust
yourself. You must feel that you can express yourself without fear of exposure;
you must feel no need to hide your true self You must know yourself well. Your
self-image must be realistic, what you really are. You feel good when your
self-image is intact and adequate.
Aldous
Huxley, the great English writer, once wrote, "There's only one corner of the
universe you. can be certain of improving; and that's your own self."
Inferiority and superiority
are merely opposite sides of the same coin — and the cure lies in simply
understanding that the coin itself is counterfeit. For the simple truth is that
you are neither "inferior" nor "superior" to your fellow
human beings.
"You" are
"you" and that's the whole story!
The truth is that, as a
personality, you are not in competition with anyone else. God made you a unique
individual. You will never be the same as another person and you were never
meant to be.
You can change your
personality, become more whole than you've ever been, if you build a stronger
self-image.
Let's get one thing
straight, though.. The aim of self-image psychology is not to create a
fictitious self which is omnipotent. Such an image is as untrue as the inferior
image of oneself. Our aim is to find the best we have in us, realistically, and
to bring it out into the open. Why should you continue to short-change
yourself?
The science of cybernetics
has led us to the understanding that your so-called "subconscious
mind" is not a "mind" but a goal-striving servo-mechanism
consisting of the brain and nervous system which the mind directs. We do not
have two "minds," but a mind or consciousness which operates an
automatic, goal-oriented machine.
This inner mechanism is
impersonal. It will work automatically to achieve the goals which you yourself
set for it. Feed it "success goals" and if functions as a
"success mechanism." Feed it negative aims and it operates as a
"failure mechanism."
Forgiveness
If your job was to unload
heavy crates of oranges from a truck and carry them into a supermarket,
wouldn't you feel overburdened if you had to lift up a crate on your shoulders
instead and carry it around with you all day? Could you relax? Of course not.
Well, you cannot relax and carry grudges around with you all day long either.
The two just don't go together.
There are many fallacies
about forgiveness, and one reason that its therapeutic value has not received
full recognition is that real forgiveness has been so rare. We have been told
that we are "good" if we forgive, but have seldom been advised that
the act of forgiveness can relax us, can reduce our load of hostility.
Real forgiveness is not
difficult — it's much easier than holding a grudge. There is only one essential
condition. You must be willing to give up your sense of condemnation; you must
cancel out the debt, with no mental reservations.
When we find it hard to
forgive, it is because we enjoy our sense of condemnation. We get a morbid
satisfaction from it. As long as we can condemn another, we can feel superior
to him.
In nursing a grudge, many
people also derive a perverse sense of satisfaction in feeling sorry for
themselves. When we really forgive, we are not doing someone a favor or showing
off our righteousness. We cancel out the debt not because we have made the
other person pay long enough for the harm he has done us, but because we have
come to see that the debt itself is not valid. True forgiveness comes only when
we are able to see that there is and was nothing for us to forgive. We should
not have condemned the other person in the first place.
But the main point is that
if you want to relax, to enjoy peace of mind, you must learn to bury grudges.
You must become a forgiving person. Be a lover, not a hater. In the words of
the great French writer, La
Rochefoucauld, "One pardons in
the degree that one loves."
In his essay
"Self-Reliance," Ralph Waldo
Emerson wrote: "There is a time in every man's education when he
arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance, that imitation is suicide,
that he must take himself for better or worse as his portion; that though the
wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but
through the toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till.
The power which resides in him is new in nature, and none but he knows what
that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried. . . . Trust
thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string."
… too many of us don't
believe in ourselves. We watch baseball games on television when we might be
better off playing baseball. We watch soap operas on television instead of
living full lives ourselves. We have come to be "watchers" instead of
"doers" and have thus lost faith in our creative powers. We are
becoming passive people who observe life while it passes us by.
To be one of life's winners,
you must recapture your belief in yourself. You must set worthwhile goals for
yourself and believe in their worth — no matter how insignificant these goals
might seem to someone else.
As the great English poet John Dryden once wrote:
“Presence
of mind and courage in distress
Are
more than armies to procure success.”
If you eat too much, and are
overweight, your overeating habit is a result of an emotional grievance,
conscious or buried. You overeat to make up for what you feel you are missing
or have missed at some time in your life. You are trying to soothe all your
frustrations with food and it can't be done.
Your
self-image must be made of stone and mortar, not of smoke floating away into
the air.
"one of the surest ways
to find happiness for yourself is to devote your energies toward making someone
else happy. Happiness is an elusive, transitory thing. And if you set out to
search for it, you will find it evasive. But if you try to bring happiness to someone
else, then it comes to you."
To be happy, you must learn
the art of give-and-take, which is the lifeblood of civilized living. The
person who is just a "taker" can never be happy. A man whose whole
life is grabbing money like a shark killer or a woman who accepts others' gifts
like a pampered pet — neither can be happy in this kind of role. One must know
the joy of giving, the spine-tingling thrill of making somebody else happy, to
know the real meaning of contentment.
Seven
Rules for Happy Living
1. Get the happiness habit. Smile inside, and make this feeling a part
of you. Create a happy world for yourself; look forward to each day. Even if
some shadows blot out the sunshine, there is always something to feel good
about.
2. Declare war on negative feelings. Don't let unrealistic worries eat
away at you! When negative thoughts invade your mind, fight them. Ask yourself
why you, who have every natural right to be happy, must spend your waking hours
wrestling with fear, worry, and hate. Win the war against these insidious
twentieth century scourges.
3. Strengthen your self image. See yourself as you've been in your
best moments, and give yourself a little appreciation. Visualize your happy
times and the pride you've felt in yourself. Imagine future experiences that
will be joyful; give yourself credit for what you are. Stop beating your own
brains in!
4. Learn how to laugh. Adults sometimes grin or chuckle, but not many
can really laugh, I mean a real belly laugh that gives one a sense of release
and freedom. Laughing, when it's genuine, is purifying. It is part of your
success mechanism, jet-propelling you to victories in life. If you haven't
laughed since the age of 10 or 14, go back into the school of your mind and
re-learn something you never should have forgotten.
5. Dig out your buried treasures. Don't let your talents and resources
just die inside you; give them a chance to meet the test of life!
6. Help others. Giving to your fellows can be the most rewarding
experience of your life. Don't be cynical; understand that many people who seem
unpleasant or hostile are waring a facade that they think will protect them
from others. If you give to others, you might be amazed at their grateful,
appreciative response. Some people who seem the hardest are really soft and
vulnerable. You'll feel great when you can give, without thought of profit.
7. Seek activities that will make you happy. Golf, tennis, water
skiing? Painting, singing, sewing? I can't tell you — you'll have to tell
yourself. But an active life is a happy life, if you're doing what's good for
you.
Henry
Ford's.
"If there is any one secret of
success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see
things from his angle as well as your own."
Carnegie
himself states : "You can make more
friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in
two years by trying to get other people interested in you."
In Personality and
Successful Living, (Bruce Publishing Co. 1945) James A. Magner's approach is similar. "We come to tolerate,
to understand and to love people not by waiting for them to serve us, much less
by giving them an opportunity to display their defects, but by assuming the
active role ourselves and giving others positive reasons for tolerating and
loving us. Nothing wins friends so much as an unselfish concern on our part.
Nothing makes us so worthy of friendship as developing ourselves, our
resources, our personality by a program of friendliness and usefulness to
others."
In How to Relax in a Busy
World (Prentice-Hall, 1962), Floyd and
Eve Corbin write:
"If you have been in
the habit of inviting negative thoughts —jealousy, envy, resentment, and
self-pity, think of these as intruders in your mind. The old Chines saying fits
here: You cannot stop the birds of the air from flying over your head, but you
need not let them nest in your hair.'
"Face and define your
troubles. Gather knowledge about them from every good source. Confide your
worries to God. Do all you can about the situation that is causing them. Don't
contaminate your friends and loved ones with them."
This is good advice. Worry
is one of the most destructive scourges of mankind; if it takes over your mind,
your days will be miserable and your nights will be intolerable. Even if the
worst misfortune should befall you, it is no worse than a worried mind.
The famed philosopher Soren Kierkergaard once wrote, "No
grand inquisitor has in readiness such terrible tortures as has anxiety and no
spy knows how to attack more artfully the man he suspects, choosing the instant
when he is weakest; nor knows how to lay traps where he will be caught and
ensnared as anxiety knows how, and no sharp-witted judge knows how to
interrogate, to examine the accused, as anxiety does, which never lets him
escape..."
These ideas will help you
master your worry:
1. Bring your fears into the open. Talk about them to friends without
hiding details which may be ridiculed. The more you express your fears the less
serious they will seem to you and the sooner you will forget them.
2. Seek solutions to your problems. When you feel you've done your
best to solve a problem, even if you haven't found a clearcut answer, you'll
feel better about yourself and will be more inclined to allow yourself the
privilege of relaxation.
3. Guide your thinking into constructive channels. Once you've done
your best to alleviate some trouble, thinking about it will only make it worse.
Use your imagination more positively, picturing happier situations, or
undertake activities that will give you pleasure.
The Magic Power of
Self Image Psychology
Dr. Maxwell Maltz
If you wish to purchase this e-book click the following link:
The Magic Power of Self Image Psychology
