Identity vs. Ego
Egolessness may not mean loss of identity. Identity
can be distinguished from ego. Identity may be defined as who I am and what I
aspire to be in absolute sense whereas ego means defining myself in relative
terms. It means who I am in comparison to others. It is like a line is smaller
or bigger depending upon to which line we are comparing it with. We similarly
are superior or inferior when we compare ourselves with different people.
If we define ego and identity in this way it
becomes clear that having strong identity doesn't make us more egoistic. It
need not boost our ego.
The problem with ego is that we are never satisfied
with what we have or what we accomplish. As we grow we come in contact with
other people who are ahead of us so we remain inadequate and incomplete. We
cannot enjoy our achievements whether they are small or big.
Another problem with ego is we are competing with
others. We become envious or jealous if someone else is achieving something
because in relative terms if someone else is becoming bigger we become smaller.
The habit of competition does not allow us to practice cooperation which is a
superior value.
Ego also alienate us from others. We feel lonely.
We are not able to relate deeply with others. As a result our relationships
remain superficial. We fail to experience higher emotions like love,
compassion, empathy and kindness on a sustained basis.
If we focus on our identity we try to accentuate
our positive traits and remove or at least minimize negative traits.
The process of development of a strong and healthy
identity starts from self-awareness and observation. Through observing
ourselves alone and in relation to others we become conscious of our
personality traits. If the traits are positive we try to develop them further.
In case they are negative we try to remove them. The process may be sudden or
immediate or it may be gradual. We may also try to develop new traits if we
think they are desirable.
In this process of identity development we are not comparing
ourselves with others. There is no feeling of competition. If there is any
comparison to be made it is overtime to judge whether we are growing or not. To
know whether our identity is getting stronger or not.
We can not only celebrate our achievements whether
big or small, we can also feel happy when others achieve something. Their
achievements does not diminish us in anyway. We feel more interconnected. We
start appreciating the fact that we would be happier if people around us are
growing with us. If they remain stagnant our growth will be negatively affected
because we are interconnected. So we should motivate and inspire people around
us. Their growth is complementary to our growth rather than detrimental.
We can easily experience higher emotions like love,
kindness, compassion and empathy.
Identity development may not require dropping of
desires although the nature and content of desires may change significantly.
This change occurs because we start defining ourselves in absolute terms rather
than in relative sense.
Identity
development may also be compatible with the concept of surrender. We ‘surrender’
when we trust a higher force which is caring for us and guiding us at each and
every point. We invoke the divine support to develop our identity and fulfil our
true desires which are compatible with our identity.
Defined in such
way dropping ego may not mean loss of identity. It might mean having a stronger
identity.
Anand Wardhan
