Mulla Nasrudin Stories and Jokes

How to Become Wise?

Friend: "Nasrudin, how does one become wise?"

Nasrudin: "Listen attentively to wise people when they speak. And when someone is listening to you, listen attentively to what you are saying!"

The Guarantee

One day at the King’s court, the King turned to Nasrudin and said, "Mulla. Since you are constantly reminding us of how clever and wise you are, tell me this : can you teach your donkey to read?"

"Absolutely," replied Nasrudin. "A task like that would present me with no problems whatsoever."

"Don’t mess with me," said the King. "Seriously, can you do it?"

"Yes, I mean it," Nasrudin replied, "and I’ll tell you what: just give me fifty thousand dollars right now, and I’ll guarantee I’ll have this donkey reading within eight years."

"OK," said the King. "But that donkey isn’t reading by then, I’ll put you in prison and have you tortured daily." So they agreed, and Nasrudin left the court.

The next day, Nasrudin’s friend asked about what happened. "Are you out of your mind?" he said. "You can barely teach your donkey to stand still, and now you’ve guaranteed that he’ll be reading within eight years. Nasrudin-I don’t see how you’ll be able to escape a long prison sentence for this."

"Listen," the Mulla calmly replied, "several years from now , our King will probably be dead or out of power. And even if he manages to last as our King for that long, odds are my donkey will have passed on by then. And in the unlikely event that neither he nor my donkey is gone by seven years time, I’ll still have an entire year to plan my way out of getting punished."

Man Searches for Joy

One day, Nasrudin began talking to a man from another town. The man lamented, "I am rich, but I am also sad and miserable. I have taken my money and gone traveling in search of joy -but alas, I have yet to find it."

As the man continued speaking, Nasrudin grabbed the man’s bag and ran off with it. The man chased him, and Nasrudin soon ran out of the man’s sight. He hid behind a tree, and put the bag in the open road for the man to see. When the man caught up, he located the bag, and his facial expression immediately turned from distress to joy.

As the man danced in celebration of finding his bag, Nasrudin thought to himself, "That’s one way to bring joy to a sad man."

Nasrudin Almost Falls into a Lake

One day, Nasrudin slipped and nearly fell into a lake, but was caught by a friend walking next to him.

From then on, every time Nasrudin encountered the friend, the latter was sure to bring up the incident and make a big deal about it.

After months passed and Nasrudin could take no more of this, he led the friend to the same lake, and, with clothes and shoes still on, deliberately jumped right into the water! 

As he lay in the water, he remarked to the friend, "Now I’m as wet as I would have been if you didn’t save me that day… so for goodness sake, please stop reminding me about it!"

Walnuts and Watermelons

As Nasrudin rested under a tall walnut tree one day, he looked a few yards to his side and noticed a big watermelon growing on a thin vine near the ground.

Nasrudin looked up and said, "Great God, please permit me to ask you this: why is it that walnuts grow on big strong trees, while watermelons grow on think weak vines . Shouldn’t it be the other way around?"

But at that very moment, a walnut fell from high on up in the tree and hit Nasrudin square on the head.

"Ah!" remarked Nasrudin. "I suppose Nature’s ways might not be as backward as I thought. After all, if a big watermelon fell out of the tree and onto my head, it might have killed me!"

Center of the Earth

Friend: "Nasrudin, do you know where the center of the earth is?"

Nasrudin: "As a matter of fact, I know exactly where it is."

"Where?"

"Directly under the right hoof of my donkey."

"What! How can you be so sure?"

"Well— if you don’t believe me, you can measure it for yourself."

Grammar

Nasrudin was ferrying a traveler across a lake. As they spoke on various subjects, Nasrudin made a minor grammatical error.

The traveler remarked, "You who wears a turban and calls himself a Mulla-have you ever studied grammar?"

"No," Nasrudin admitted, "I have not covered that subject in depth."

"Well then," the traveler replied," you have wasted half of your life!"

Several minutes later, Nasrudin turned to the traveler and asked, "Have you ever learned how to swim?"

"No," the traveler responded.

"Well then," Nasrudin replied, "you have wasted all your life-for there is a hole in the boat, and we are sinking!"

When Will the World End?

Philosopher: "I have been traveling, researching, and contemplating for years, trying to determine when the end of the world will be-yet I still have not found out the answer. Mulla, do you know when the end of the world will be?"

Nasrudin: "Yes-I have known that information for a long time."

"Well, will you share this knowledge with me?"

"Of course. When I die, that will be the end of the world."

"Are you certain it will?"

"It will be for me."

A Lesson

Nasrudin was teaching his son life lessons.

"Never give anybody anything immediately," he said. "Wait until at least a couple of days have gone by."

"But why?" his son inquired. 

"Because," Nasrudin responded, "people appreciate receiving something much more if they first have to doubt whether or not they will actually get it!"

Larger Steak

A traveling scholar treated Nasrudin to a meal at a local restaurant. The scholar ordered two lamb steaks— and several minutes later, after the waiter brought back a platter containing one medium sized steak and one larger one , Nasrudin immediately took the larger steak and put in on his plate.

The scholar looked at him with total disbelief. "What you did violates virtually every moral, ethical, etiquette , and religious principle there is," the scholar began explaining. He continued with a long lecture.

When he finally finished talking, Nasrudin asked, "Well, may I ask what you would have done if you were in my situation?"

"Yes," the scholar replied. "I would have taken the smaller steak for myself."

Nasrudin placed the smaller steak on the scholar’s plate and said, "OK, fine— here you go!"

The Right Language

A man was caught in a river current and hanging on to some rocks in order to avoid being carried away. 

Nasrudin and a friend noticed him, and the friend went up to him, extended his arm, and said, "Give me your hand so I can help you out."

The man, however, did not cooperate.

Nasrudin then asked the man what he did for a living.

"I collect taxes," the other replied.

"Then take my hand," Nasrudin said, upon which the man finally cooperated.

Nasrudin then turned to his friend and remarked, "Tax collectors speak the language of take, not the language of give."

Religious Beard

The town’s religious leader was preaching to the townspeople one day.

"Religious men have beards!" he exclaimed.

"A thick beard is the outward manifestation of holiness!"

"My goat has thicker beard than anyone in this town," replied Nasrudin. "Do you mean to tell me that he is more religious than all of us?"

What Should I Do?

Nasrudin’s friend was continuously worried and distressed over everything.

One day he went up to Nasrudin and said, "What should I do if I get up early in the morning, and it is so dark that I bump into something and injure myself?"

Nasrudin replied, "Get up later in the morning."

Camel or Man?

Friend: "Nasrudin, which is wiser: camel or man?"

Nasrudin: "Camel."

"Why?"

"Because a camel carries loads but does not ask for more, whereas man, even if he is overwhelmed by responsibility, often chooses to add more."

The Mayor’s Request

One day, the King called over Nasrudin and said to him, "Mulla, you claim to have mystical powers. Use your powers to catch fish for the starving people in our town."

"Your Highness," replied Nasrudin, "you’ve got me confused. I said I have powers. I never said I was a fisherman."

The Walk Home

The local religious leader was not too fond of Nasrudin.

However, one night, he, being uneager to walk home alone, decided to join Nasrudin as they headed back to their neighborhood.

As they reached a steep passage, the religious leader looked up and said, "Great God-surely you have made this path steeper in order to punish my companion for his not-so-exemplary behavior."

"My friend," Nasrudin replied, "you’ve got it all wrong. When I took this very road this morning on my way to work it was downhill and a very easy walk. But now that you are accompanying me, it is sloping upwards like this!"

 

200+ Mulla Nasrudin Stories and Jokes

Rodney Ohebsion

 200+ Mulla Nasrudin Stories and Jokes

Tao Te Ching

  

Things come her way and she does not stop them;

things leave and she lets them go.

She has without possessing,

and acts without any expectations.

When her work is done, she takes no credit.

That is why it will last forever.

If you overvalue possessions,

people will begin to steal.

Do not display your treasures

or people will become envious.

The Master leads by emptying people's minds…

Depth of understanding makes the mind good.

A kind heart makes the giving good.

Integrity makes the government good.

Accomplishment makes your labors good.

Proper timing makes a decision good.

Only when there is no competition will we all live in peace.

It is easier to carry an empty cup than one that is filled to the brim.

The sharper the knife the easier it is to dull.

The more wealth you possess the harder it is to protect.

Pride brings its own trouble.

When you have accomplished your goal simply walk away.

This is the pathway to Heaven.

Giving birth and nourishing,

making without possessing,

expecting nothing in return.

To grow, yet not to control:

This is the mysterious virtue.

Thirty spokes are joined together in a wheel,

but it is the center hole that allows the wheel to function.

We mold clay into a pot,

but it is the emptiness inside that makes the vessel useful.

We fashion wood for a house,

but it is the emptiness inside that makes it livable.

We work with the substantial,

but the emptiness is what we use.

Too much activity deranges the mind.

Too much wealth causes crime.

The best leaders are those the people hardly know exist.

The next best is a leader who is loved and praised.

Next comes the one who is feared.

The worst one is the leader who is despised.

Embrace simplicity.

Put others first.

Desire little.

Renounce knowledge and your problems will end.

What is the difference between yes and no?

What is the difference between good and evil?

If you want to become whole,

first let yourself become broken.

If you want to become straight,

first let yourself become twisted.

If you want to become full,

first let yourself become empty.

If you want to become new,

first let yourself become old.

Those whose desires are few get them,

those whose desires are great go astray.

Because she wants nothing from the world,

the world cannot overcome her.

when the gale blows, it will not last long;

when it rains hard, it lasts but a little while;

What causes these to happen?

Heaven and Earth.

Why do we humans go on endlessly about little

when nature does much in a little time?

Those who rush ahead don't get very far.

Those who try to outshine others dim their own light.

Those who boast of their accomplishments diminish the things they have done.

Do you want to rule the world and control it?

I don't think it can ever be done.

The world is a sacred vessel and it cannot be controlled.

You will only make it worse if you try.

It may slip through your fingers and disappear.

Those who know others are intelligent;

those who know themselves are truly wise.

Those who master others are strong;

those who master themselves have true power.

Those who know they have enough are truly wealthy.

Those who persist will reach their goal.

It nourishes infinite worlds,

yet it doesn't seek to master the smallest creature.

Since it is without wants and desires,

 it can be considered humble.

All of creation seeks it for refuge

yet it does not seek to master or control.

Because it does not seek greatness,

it is able to accomplish truly great things.

If you want something to return to the source,

you must first allow it to spread out.

If you want something to weaken,

you must first allow it to become strong.

If you want something to be removed,

you must first allow it to flourish.

If you want to possess something,

you must first give it away.

This is called the subtle understanding of how things are meant to be.

The soft and pliable overcomes the hard and inflexible.

The Tao never acts with force,

yet there is nothing that it cannot do.

That which offers no resistance, overcomes the hardest substances.

That which offers no resistance can enter where there is no space.

Knowing when you have enough avoids dishonor,

and knowing when to stop

will keep you from danger

and bring you a long, happy life.

 One who seeks knowledge learns something new every day.

One who seeks the Tao unlearns something new every day.

Mastery of the world is achieved by letting things take their natural course.

You cannot master the world by changing the natural way.

The Master has no mind of her own.

She understands the mind of the people.

To those who are good she treats as good.

To those who aren't good she also treats as good.

This is how she attains true goodness.

She trusts people who are trustworthy.

She also trusts people who aren't trustworthy.

This is how she gains true trust.

Keep your mouth closed and embrace a simple life,

and you will live care-free until the end of your days.

Those who know do not talk.

Those who talk do not know.

Stop talking,

meditate in silence,

blunt your sharpness,

release your worries,

harmonize your inner light,

and become one with the dust.

Take care of difficult problems while they are still easy;

Do easy things before they become too hard.

Difficult problems are best solved while they are easy.

Great projects are best started while they are small.

When an affirmation is given too lightly,

keep your eyes open for trouble ahead.

When something seems too easy,

difficulty is hiding in the details.

The master expects great difficulty,

so the task is always easier than planned.

Things are easier to control while things are quiet.

Things are easier to plan far in advance.

Things break easier while they are still brittle.

Things are easier hid while they are still small.

Prevent problems before they arise.

Take action before things get out of hand.

The tallest tree begins as a tiny sprout.

The tallest building starts with one shovel of dirt.

A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single footstep.

If you rush into action, you will fail.

If you hold on too tight, you will lose your grip.

Therefore the Master lets things take their course and thus never fails.

Smart people are difficult to guide,

because they think they are too clever.

If you want to lead other people,

you must put their interest ahead of your own.

The people will not feel burdened,

if a wise person is in a position of power.

The people will not feel like they are being manipulated,

if a wise person is in front as their leader.

The whole world will ask for her guidance,

and will never get tired of her.

Because she does not like to compete,

no one can compete with the things she accomplishes.

There are three jewels that I cherish:

compassion, moderation, and humility.

With compassion, you will be able to be brave,

With moderation, you will be able to give to others,

With humility, you will be able to become a great leader.

Knowing you don't know is wholeness.

Thinking you know is a disease.

Only by recognizing that you have an illness can you move to seek a cure.

The Master is whole because she sees her illnesses and treats them,

and thus is able to remain whole.

When people become overly bold,

then disaster will soon arrive.

Do not meddle with people's livelihood;

by respecting them they will in turn respect you.

Therefore, the Master knows herself but is not arrogant.

She loves herself but also loves others.

This is how she is able to make appropriate choices.

If you do not fear death, then how can it intimidate you?

If you aren't afraid of dying, there is nothing you cannot do.

The living are soft and yielding; the dead are rigid and stiff.

Living plants are flexible and tender; the dead are brittle and dry.

Those who are stiff and rigid are the disciples of death.

Those who are soft and yielding are the disciples of life.

The rigid and stiff will be broken.

The soft and yielding will overcome.

The Tao of Heaven works in the world like the drawing of a bow.

The top is bent downward; the bottom is bent up.

The excess is taken from, and the deficient is given to.

The Tao works to use the excess,

and gives to that which is depleted.

The way of people is to take from the depleted,

and give to those who already have an excess.

Who is able to give to the needy from their excess?

Only someone who is following the way of the Tao.

This is why the Master gives expecting nothing in return.

She does not dwell on her past accomplishments,

and does not glory in any praise.

True words do not sound beautiful;

beautiful sounding words are not true.

Wise men don't need to debate;

men who need to debate are not wise.

Wise men are not scholars, and scholars are not wise.

The Master desires no possessions.

Since the things she does are for the people,

she has more than she needs.

The more she gives to others,

the more she has for herself.

The Tao of Heaven nourishes by not forcing.

The Tao of the Wise person acts by not competing.

 

Tao Te Ching  

Lao Tzu

 Tao Te Ching