Mulla Nasrudin Stories and Jokes

How to Become Wise?

Friend: "Nasrudin, how does one become wise?"

Nasrudin: "Listen attentively to wise people when they speak. And when someone is listening to you, listen attentively to what you are saying!"

The Guarantee

One day at the King’s court, the King turned to Nasrudin and said, "Mulla. Since you are constantly reminding us of how clever and wise you are, tell me this : can you teach your donkey to read?"

"Absolutely," replied Nasrudin. "A task like that would present me with no problems whatsoever."

"Don’t mess with me," said the King. "Seriously, can you do it?"

"Yes, I mean it," Nasrudin replied, "and I’ll tell you what: just give me fifty thousand dollars right now, and I’ll guarantee I’ll have this donkey reading within eight years."

"OK," said the King. "But that donkey isn’t reading by then, I’ll put you in prison and have you tortured daily." So they agreed, and Nasrudin left the court.

The next day, Nasrudin’s friend asked about what happened. "Are you out of your mind?" he said. "You can barely teach your donkey to stand still, and now you’ve guaranteed that he’ll be reading within eight years. Nasrudin-I don’t see how you’ll be able to escape a long prison sentence for this."

"Listen," the Mulla calmly replied, "several years from now , our King will probably be dead or out of power. And even if he manages to last as our King for that long, odds are my donkey will have passed on by then. And in the unlikely event that neither he nor my donkey is gone by seven years time, I’ll still have an entire year to plan my way out of getting punished."

Man Searches for Joy

One day, Nasrudin began talking to a man from another town. The man lamented, "I am rich, but I am also sad and miserable. I have taken my money and gone traveling in search of joy -but alas, I have yet to find it."

As the man continued speaking, Nasrudin grabbed the man’s bag and ran off with it. The man chased him, and Nasrudin soon ran out of the man’s sight. He hid behind a tree, and put the bag in the open road for the man to see. When the man caught up, he located the bag, and his facial expression immediately turned from distress to joy.

As the man danced in celebration of finding his bag, Nasrudin thought to himself, "That’s one way to bring joy to a sad man."

Nasrudin Almost Falls into a Lake

One day, Nasrudin slipped and nearly fell into a lake, but was caught by a friend walking next to him.

From then on, every time Nasrudin encountered the friend, the latter was sure to bring up the incident and make a big deal about it.

After months passed and Nasrudin could take no more of this, he led the friend to the same lake, and, with clothes and shoes still on, deliberately jumped right into the water! 

As he lay in the water, he remarked to the friend, "Now I’m as wet as I would have been if you didn’t save me that day… so for goodness sake, please stop reminding me about it!"

Walnuts and Watermelons

As Nasrudin rested under a tall walnut tree one day, he looked a few yards to his side and noticed a big watermelon growing on a thin vine near the ground.

Nasrudin looked up and said, "Great God, please permit me to ask you this: why is it that walnuts grow on big strong trees, while watermelons grow on think weak vines . Shouldn’t it be the other way around?"

But at that very moment, a walnut fell from high on up in the tree and hit Nasrudin square on the head.

"Ah!" remarked Nasrudin. "I suppose Nature’s ways might not be as backward as I thought. After all, if a big watermelon fell out of the tree and onto my head, it might have killed me!"

Center of the Earth

Friend: "Nasrudin, do you know where the center of the earth is?"

Nasrudin: "As a matter of fact, I know exactly where it is."

"Where?"

"Directly under the right hoof of my donkey."

"What! How can you be so sure?"

"Well— if you don’t believe me, you can measure it for yourself."

Grammar

Nasrudin was ferrying a traveler across a lake. As they spoke on various subjects, Nasrudin made a minor grammatical error.

The traveler remarked, "You who wears a turban and calls himself a Mulla-have you ever studied grammar?"

"No," Nasrudin admitted, "I have not covered that subject in depth."

"Well then," the traveler replied," you have wasted half of your life!"

Several minutes later, Nasrudin turned to the traveler and asked, "Have you ever learned how to swim?"

"No," the traveler responded.

"Well then," Nasrudin replied, "you have wasted all your life-for there is a hole in the boat, and we are sinking!"

When Will the World End?

Philosopher: "I have been traveling, researching, and contemplating for years, trying to determine when the end of the world will be-yet I still have not found out the answer. Mulla, do you know when the end of the world will be?"

Nasrudin: "Yes-I have known that information for a long time."

"Well, will you share this knowledge with me?"

"Of course. When I die, that will be the end of the world."

"Are you certain it will?"

"It will be for me."

A Lesson

Nasrudin was teaching his son life lessons.

"Never give anybody anything immediately," he said. "Wait until at least a couple of days have gone by."

"But why?" his son inquired. 

"Because," Nasrudin responded, "people appreciate receiving something much more if they first have to doubt whether or not they will actually get it!"

Larger Steak

A traveling scholar treated Nasrudin to a meal at a local restaurant. The scholar ordered two lamb steaks— and several minutes later, after the waiter brought back a platter containing one medium sized steak and one larger one , Nasrudin immediately took the larger steak and put in on his plate.

The scholar looked at him with total disbelief. "What you did violates virtually every moral, ethical, etiquette , and religious principle there is," the scholar began explaining. He continued with a long lecture.

When he finally finished talking, Nasrudin asked, "Well, may I ask what you would have done if you were in my situation?"

"Yes," the scholar replied. "I would have taken the smaller steak for myself."

Nasrudin placed the smaller steak on the scholar’s plate and said, "OK, fine— here you go!"

The Right Language

A man was caught in a river current and hanging on to some rocks in order to avoid being carried away. 

Nasrudin and a friend noticed him, and the friend went up to him, extended his arm, and said, "Give me your hand so I can help you out."

The man, however, did not cooperate.

Nasrudin then asked the man what he did for a living.

"I collect taxes," the other replied.

"Then take my hand," Nasrudin said, upon which the man finally cooperated.

Nasrudin then turned to his friend and remarked, "Tax collectors speak the language of take, not the language of give."

Religious Beard

The town’s religious leader was preaching to the townspeople one day.

"Religious men have beards!" he exclaimed.

"A thick beard is the outward manifestation of holiness!"

"My goat has thicker beard than anyone in this town," replied Nasrudin. "Do you mean to tell me that he is more religious than all of us?"

What Should I Do?

Nasrudin’s friend was continuously worried and distressed over everything.

One day he went up to Nasrudin and said, "What should I do if I get up early in the morning, and it is so dark that I bump into something and injure myself?"

Nasrudin replied, "Get up later in the morning."

Camel or Man?

Friend: "Nasrudin, which is wiser: camel or man?"

Nasrudin: "Camel."

"Why?"

"Because a camel carries loads but does not ask for more, whereas man, even if he is overwhelmed by responsibility, often chooses to add more."

The Mayor’s Request

One day, the King called over Nasrudin and said to him, "Mulla, you claim to have mystical powers. Use your powers to catch fish for the starving people in our town."

"Your Highness," replied Nasrudin, "you’ve got me confused. I said I have powers. I never said I was a fisherman."

The Walk Home

The local religious leader was not too fond of Nasrudin.

However, one night, he, being uneager to walk home alone, decided to join Nasrudin as they headed back to their neighborhood.

As they reached a steep passage, the religious leader looked up and said, "Great God-surely you have made this path steeper in order to punish my companion for his not-so-exemplary behavior."

"My friend," Nasrudin replied, "you’ve got it all wrong. When I took this very road this morning on my way to work it was downhill and a very easy walk. But now that you are accompanying me, it is sloping upwards like this!"

 

200+ Mulla Nasrudin Stories and Jokes

Rodney Ohebsion

 200+ Mulla Nasrudin Stories and Jokes